aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
