I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Boobs speak an international language.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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