she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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