Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
