if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
