I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
