we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
