i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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