I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
