then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
