I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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