My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
