I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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