I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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