Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
