hell yes lets make some ravioli
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
