And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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