can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
