I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I intend to get homeless drunk
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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