I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
