Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
