The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
