And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
