for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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