you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
