she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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