I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
