I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
