Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
