you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You were trust falling into bushes
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
