Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
