Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
