It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
