Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
