they need to just BURY HIM!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
