now i know why i became what i already was.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
