you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
