laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
