I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
