i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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