The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
