Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
