so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
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I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
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I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Come on in and take your pants off
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