This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
