Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
