You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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