On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
