And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm always down for nudity.
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