Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
