I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
