Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
