Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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