Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
