My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
