It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
