do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
