i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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