I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
