Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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