1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
