i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
