She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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