how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
