I wish life had little blips of pornography
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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