She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
