I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
