The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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