We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
