I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
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