His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
