Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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