if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
