I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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