is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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