On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
