I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
