What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
