Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
