My hand turned me down
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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